THREE LETTERS THAT LEAD TO PERSONAL PEACE

This insight into DBT was written by my client T.G.:

There are three letters that stand as initials to three words that can bring personal peace to those who struggle with managing their emotions, dealing with crisis and turmoil, unhealthy personal relationships and being able to live in the moment rather than the past or future. Those three letters are DBT. DBT stands for Dialectical Behavior Therapy, an extension of cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) that adds validation and dialectics and includes Zen/Buddhist practices such as meditation and mindfulness.

I began learning DBT skills through an online Yahoo group and quickly saw a difference in my ability to regulate my emotions. In November 2011, Jade started a DBT Skills Group led by AAIM Counseling intern, Danielle Schneider. Participating in this group has enhanced my comprehension and application of DBT skills and has given me the chance to help other people who struggle with similar issues.

HAVING A LIFE WORTH LIVING
One of the first steps in learning and applying DBT skills is to determine what changes we would need to see in our lives that would constitute a life worth living. For me, having a life worth living meant:
• Having more stable emotions, not so much up and down
• Not needing external validation
• Not caring if someone else "gets" my private experiences
• Not wondering what others think and not worrying if they have misinformation about me
• Taking the time to self sooth rather than doing useless or harmful behaviors or obsessing to pass the time
• Believing that my success is valid, not an accident.
• No longer thinking I am damaged for life or that I'm faking
• Believing that I am a good person.

I am not going to spend a lot of time giving you background on DBT. I think it would be much more interesting and valuable for you if I share my personal experience and how I’m doing with achieving a life worth living. However, here are some basics.

WHAT IS DBT
DBT was developed by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D. in the late 1970s as she approached treating individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) using traditional CBT. However, that approach did not work because it disregarded some key features of people with BPD. You can read more about that here: http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm

It’s quite interesting to note that in June 2011, Dr. Linehan, revealed her own struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html?_r=2&emc=eta1,

The AAIM Counseling DBT Skills Group Pre-lesson One outlines the basic goals of DBT Skills Training with the overall objective being to learn and refine skills in changing behavioral, emotional and thinking patterns associated with problems in living, those causing misery and distress. Specifically, the behaviors DBT strives to decrease are:
1. Interpersonal chaos
2. Labile emotions, moods
3. Impulsiveness
4. Confusion about self, cognitive dysregulation

 
Behaviors DBT strives to increase are:
1. Interpersonal Effectiveness skills
2. Emotion regulation skills
3. Distress tolerance skills
4. Core Mindfulness skills

MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
I can tell you that after six months of DBT (and only two months “live”) these goals have come to fruition and my life is worth living. Following is a list of 26 statements that highlight my DBT experience and resulting transformation:

1. I’ve learned that I am not the person I was always afraid I was.
2. I’ve learned that I’m not being abandoned.
3. I’ve learned that there are things I can do to calm my emotions and that emotional dysregulation does not have to be my norm.
4. I've learned that my feelings are usually not a good indicator of reality.
5. I’ve learned that I have value and worth.
6. I’ve started taking in the good.
7. I've noticed that sometimes I'm unwilling to give up the pain and to use my skills because I feel like I have to hold on to the pain until it's recognized.
8. I now see the woman that Jade and his associate, Mindy, said I am and I believe it.
9. I see that what I can give to others is valuable and important.
10. I have the experience that I'm okay and I am a person you would want in your life.
11. I know on a very deep level that I am loved.
12. I have been heard for the pain and hurt that was over looked when I was young. My feelings have been validated.
13. There is now peace for the tiny, insignificant, silently screaming little girl and adolescent inside of me.
14. I have reconciled the guilt and embarrassment for poor decisions resulting from childhood trauma.
15. I am no longer confused about what happened to me.
16. I know longer have shame and I have let go of self-blame.
17. My past no longer hurts or haunts me. I have dealt with it and it no longer has a hold on me.
18. I no longer look at boundaries personally. They are what they are.
19. I have emotional peace—most of the time.
20. I have healed what could be healed; I have mourned what could only be mourned and I have moved on.
21. I can safely express what I want even if I can't have it.
22. I continue to learn healthy boundaries and now I feel caring within them.
23. I know how to be myself and I no longer push others away.
24. I contribute and I am whole
25. I am loveable and deserve to have more than just the crumbs.
26. I can have real, reciprocal, healthy relationships with people that possess the qualities that I seek.

Marsha Linehan says, “The gap between knowledge and behavior determines the degree of victory.” There is hope. However, in order to see change, we must change our behavior and we need tools to accomplish that. You can start learning on your own at www.DBTSelfHelp.com and stay-tuned for the next AAIM Counseling DBT Skills Group starting : ________________.

References:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/dbtclass/
AAIM Counseling DBT Skills Group Pre-lesson One
David Burns, M.D., Adapted from “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”
Skills Training Manual page 107