"We have not been given the spirit of fear, but of faith". Why is it that fear is such a driving force in our lives--it is only in our minds. What do we really need to fear in this life? Fear is something that is in the core of all of us, it is part of the human experience, for overcoming fear is part of the test.
After meeting with a client yesterday, I was left reflecting on what the purpose of her extreme trauma. I thought, "I know there is a reason for this, I know there is a reason we all go through pain". At times it is very difficult to figure out what the purpose is and it can be even more difficult to gain insight into how the pain can actually help us.
My mind has been contemplating pain for some time now, well before this session with this client yesterday, but this session become a catalyst to my thought. It was reaffirmed to me, my understanding if what happened to us in the pre-mortal realms. One third of our brothers and sisters followed the adversaries plan of compulsion, but why? As I searched out the reasons for this, I found that many writers on the subject feel that pride was the reason. They didn't follow the plan because they felt there was a better way, and that all who followed Christ were wrong. I believe that it was far more complex than this, because I have found that at the root of pride, one can always find pain--and the core of pain is fear. Thus, these individuals who didn't follow Christ were scared to come down to Earth. They wanted the quick and painless way to salvation and exaltation--they wanted Satan's plan.
Through this line of thought, I also came to a greater understanding of the purpose of this life. When we chose to come to this life, we were told that it would be very difficult, painful and full of some of the most traumatic experiences imaginable--but it was the only way that we would understand as God understands--the only path to eternal insight is to understand and experience the depths of hell. Though we would feel these depths, we were also commanded to have joy in this life, and that is truly a test--to have joy, when can be difficult to find a reason for it.
In this life, we are living the mortal experience. We came to this Earth to obtain a tabernacle of clay, but why? So that we may feel fear and pain, but also to obtain the greatest level of joy and understanding. We had to come down and take on flesh because we would not know the depths of temptation and sin without our bodies. Our bodies drive us to sin, which we must resist--our spirits would not have had this experience without our body. We also needed to experience death and fear, more particularly, the fear of death. Our spirit bodies couldn't experience this depth of fear, because there was no death before this life. As with overcoming sin--which sin our bodies want--we need to learn to overcome fear to become more celestial.
So what is one of the purposes of this life? Gain understanding and have joy. We can live in Celestial realms right now. It is all about our perception--Earth can be hell or it can be eternal bliss--what do you choose?
9 comments:
It is so hard to put into words the feelings that I am having as I read your blog post. I am so grateful for your thoughts and your compassion. I am also honored that a loving Heavenly Father would allow me to be a witness to the spirit that was felt in that session. I too can testify that our Heavenly Father knew the price was great. As I have been going thru my particular trial I have been trying to find the "quick and painless" way. I felt I was so strong. I think that is why it is so hard for me is because I want the "spirit" that I had. I have wondered why the Lord would allow me to take 10 steps back. I am searching for the "purpose". As I read your blog I was also reminded of the words to a song. "Didn't he say, he sent us to be tested? Didn't he say the way would not be sure? But, didn't he say we could live with him, Forever more, Well and whole, if we but patiently endure? After the trial, we will be blessed. But, this life is the test!" I know there are so many with trials that are so great. Greater than they feel they can ever carry. As you also said yesterday, Even Christ had an angel while in Gethsemane. We all at one point in our lives have to go to Gethsemane in order to know the full joy. Thankfully there are angels like you that help us find our way thru the dark. Thank You!!!
I feel the spirit so strongly when I read this blog post and the comment. I only wish that I could KNOW IT like it seems you and Unknown "KNOW IT." Where does it say: "We have not been given the spirit of fear, but of faith." Where does it say that coming to earth would be "very difficult, painful and full of some of the most traumatic experiences imaginable?" Where does it say that we will only understand as God understands--the only path to eternal insight is to understand and experience the depths of hell?" Knowing that would give purpose to everything. I read my scriptures, I go to church but how can I know that?
Dear Noble Daughter,
I pray that what I have to share will be felt with the spirit that was intended. When I first started on my journey to find myself I felt very alone. I struggled (and still continue to struggle) to know that I am a Daughter of God. One day, a friend reminded me that I chose to come to this Earth, and I know that because I have this mortal body. I had a hard time thinking that I chose to deal with trials that I have been given. I had so many misconceptions. I struggled to know that I really signed up for this. I was taught that there was a "great council" in Heaven before I came to Earth. When I thought of the "council" I truly believed that I stood amongst all of my "brothers and sisters" and raised my hand saying "yes, ok, I will follow the plan". Or, I wondered if it was a secret ballot that I went behind a curtain and said "yeah, OK, I will go". It wasn't until I went to my Heavenly Father in prayer that I came to understand just how personal that "council" was. I was taught that Christ, our older brother, knew his divine role. That he said "send me". He knew and we are told even in the scriptures that Mary knew before Christ was born that Christ would take on the sins of this world while in the flesh. We were all part of that council. Now, is where "my doctrine" comes in. Again, I needed to know that I really chose this. When I went to my Heavenly Father, my heart was opened. The spirit taught me that Heavenly Father knew that our going to Earth was a HUGE decision. One that should never be taken lightly. Because the option was Eternal Life, or Eternal Damnation, it was critical that we knew just what we were going to be facing. Again, this is my doctrine, but I am learning from my trials just how much my Heavenly Father loves each one of us. I believe that our Heavenly Father took us individually into his arms and talked with us one on one and explained to us just what we may face while in the flesh. He knew we would face challenges greater than we could ever comprehend. He knew that we also couldn't do it alone and that is why he gave us the gift of the Holy Ghost. He also promised us that we could have his spirit to be with us each and every moment of our lives. In 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear. Don't get me wrong, I am the poster child for "fear", but I also know that you can "know it" for yourself. If you ask, he will confirm it to you too. I promise you, you will know. Because, he wants you to know just as I do! I don't have all the answers but what answers I have been given have been truly priceless treasures to me and ones that I hope I will never forget. With all my love!
I have pondered this topic for two days now, and I have decided to express my thoughts on this subject.
I agree that we chose to come to earth, gain a body, and experience mortality. I believe that conceptually we understood what this meant, but without our bodies or mortal experience, we had no idea what it would be like. We were not misinformed, but we were naive. A spirit child means just that, a child, and how much does a child actually know? Not much. So now we are here on earth "experiencing" mortality, and for some, it is devastating. Why do some individuals appear to live charmed lives? Why do some experience extreme trauma and rise about it, while others experience what would be considered a less traumatic experience and crumble under the weight of it? So many questions with so few answers. I have believed, for a very long time, that because I live in so much fear, that must mean I don't have faith. Why don't I have faith? I go to church, I read my scriptures, I pray, I do, do, do, all those things that "should" (yes that bad should word) make me a mountain of faith, and dispel any fear that may be stalking me. If I am full of fear, I must not have faith. I am beginning to feel differently about this.
I think fear and faith are two sides of the same coin. To me, faith is not an absence of fear. To me faith is enduring, and holding on, and pushing forward, through the loneliness, through the depression, through the lack of spiritual feeling, through the fear. That is why it is called "exercising" your faith. That is why it is hard, so hard, that I question if I can continue.
It is hard to find a purpose beyond the rote Sunday School answers as to why I need to go through the trials I go through, or why anyone else does for that matter. Maybe my purpose is to just endure. Maybe my purpose is to gain understanding so that I can have compassion and help another who is struggling with similar experiences. Maybe my purpose has not yet been discovered. All I know, is that I keep hanging on , I keep trying, I keep combating the fear, even as I scream to quit. Will I gain understanding and joy in this life? In the midst of darkness, I question that, but since I haven't quit there is a stubborn grasp on hope.
Where I am is where I am. If I can hold onto the belief that God does care and is aware, them maybe fear will become less of a monster, and more of a tool. A tool that moves me to rely on Christ and the Atonement. A tool that may be bringing me to greater spirituality, and a closer relationship with God. A tool that just might heal me.
I hope that my comments did not come across as one that knows all about faith. As I said before I am a poster child for "fear" I read butterfly tears comments and I questioned if fear is bad. That if we fear do we not have faith? I turned to the scriptures. I found amazing stories of those that had fear. Mary, the mother of Jesus, one of the greatest examples of faith I know was told "fear not, for thou hast found favour with God." Christ's apostles while on the ship "feared exceedingly" and said "what manner of man is this that even the wind and the sea obey him". While at the tomb Mary Magdalene and the other Mary "departed quickly from the sepluchre with fear" to tell Christ's disciples that he had risen. If it were not for fear we would not know of the woman that touched the robes of Christ and was healed. "Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole". I can tell you Butterfly Tears and Noble Daughter, that your strength and example has given me purpose. That on those days where it is not possible to make it thru this trial, I can turn to amazing people like you and be lifted. I learned from the scriptures tonight that it's OK to be afraid. That as Butterfly Tears commented because of that fear we can exercise our faith. And when we exercise that faith we are strengthened. When all is said and done the Lord can say to us "thy Faith hath made thee whole!"
Fear is a basic human emotion, which the animal kingdom also exhibits. Fear can keep us safe from perils, without it, how would we know when to avoid a harmful situation that could possibly even lead to death. Fear and Spirituality. As a person who has left the “church” and no longer believes in the redeemer, I have a few thoughts here…First, did Heavenly Father protect Susan Powell, and more importantly, her two boys? No, two little boys were slaughtered by their father, a man, the courts found it necessary to give supervised therapeutic rights to. Why? Because of DNA. Had the courts used knowledge and facts and the fear of what this man could do, then this tragedy would never have occurred, and two little boys would be alive today.
And then there is the daughter, the one who was sexually abused for years by her father. She finally became smart when she decided to get rid of him out of her life, having a daughter herself, another victim for him to abuse. Then, wow, Mormonism profoundly teaches forgiveness, and within a few years, she invites her father back into her home with her young children. In my opinion, there is no common sense being used in this situation. If you already know the consequences on the human spirit of what sexual abuse does, why you would ever put your child through the possibility of them ever having it done to them. If you truly loved your child, you would do all it takes to protect your child at all costs.
I don’t know how a therapist, who has had training on types of personalities, and behavioral deviances, could be manipulated by a Master Manipulator. Fear that is real, that knowing one person can cause an amount of harm(i.e. Powell, anyone with a brain cell knew he killed his wife)needs to use their head. If it takes moving away from everything you know and love, like family and friends, to keep yourself and your child safe, then it should be done. No child should ever have to see their father, if their father is responsible for sexual abuse on the child. What if every person who was raped had to see their rapist on a continual basis? Think it would mess with their psyche? Would they ever be able to forgive, if seeing that person rips open the fresh wounds of the previous assault? I personally don’t feel religion, or the courts for that matter, should be messing so profoundly with a person’s head or life, if it is going to have such horrible effects, like suicide, or even in some cases, murder of an innocent, like the Powell boys. Because Josh and his two boys shared DNA, it was important for them to spend time with the man who murdered their Mom? I don’t think so, what a travesty! Because a daughter forgives her father, her own daughter may go through years of sexual assault? Sick and a travesty! Because a father cries to a therapist, that is seeing both the child victim of sexual abuse, and the father perpetrator, the tears work to put the child back in reach and contact with the father. Plain sick and wrong! Fear took the child out of state away from family, which is wrong that victims are the ones who have to make more sacrifices. But, the human emotion of fear, and sensibly taking the actions it takes to keep safe, is using common sense, being plain smart. Sometimes a person has to do things for themselves, and not weigh so heavily on thinking the almighty is going to fix it. Sometimes, religion does more harm than good.
I pray that what I have to share will help explain what is in my heart. I am the client that met with Jade that started this conversation. I am LDS, and I was also sexually abused. I have asked several times why Heavenly Father didn't protect me. That is a very common question amongst us that have been abused.
It is true that the LDS church talks about forgiveness. As one that was sexually abused this is a very hard thing, to ask of one that was violated so deeply.
Forgiveness is not easily achieved. What I am learning, like the woman who forgave her Father in your post, is that sometimes, Forgiveness is a very "freeing" experience. When you are abused, you carry with it the secrets, and hurt, and anger that goes with it. We carry that with us all our lives. Sometimes, we just can't carry it with us any longer. I am learning that you can "forgive" and release this pain from your heart. I am not saying that you "forgive and forget" because we will never be able to "forget", but we have the right now to choose for ourselves what kind of relationship we have with our abuser.
There is a talk from Elder Richard G Scott. In it, he talks about "forgiveness". He clearly states and I quote "if the thought of forgiveness causes you yet more pain, set that step aside until you have more experience with the Savior’s healing power in your own life."
I do not wish to minimize your pain, and I am not saying this works for me. There are days where I am strong and I am OK with the pain that I was left, and then there are days where I cry myself to sleep. Just as I am sure there are days where your friend that "forgave" her father has days where she is OK with it, and days where she is not. I am sure she has "fear" when her Father is with her daughters. To be honest, after being abused, or raped, we as Mother's are cautious with every man that our daughters come in contact.
This morning as I was pondering on "forgiveness" I searched for my own personal answers. I found a scripture that helped me D & C 29:39 And it must needs be that the devil should tempt the children of men, or they could not be agents unto themselves; for if they never should have bitter they could not know the sweet.
I have tasted the bitter, and look forward to the day that I can have the sweet.
Dear Nixfollower (Part 1),
Wow, where do I start? Your post took me through the gamut of emotions and has left me with a plethora of thoughts for which I have as many feelings and opinions. Yes, “fear is a basic human emotion, which the animal kingdom also exhibits,” and, it can serve a real purpose. However, I think the fear being spoken about in the original blog post is a fear that does not protect or warn us. It is a fear that often prevents us from living in the moment, maximizing our human potential, making a life worth living for ourselves and making a difference in the world for all who inhabit the earth.
As a person who is new to the “church,” I still wonder how someone can fall away and simply stop believing in our Savior. I’ve imagined that if I were to leave the “church” that I would never truly be able to escape the truth that I at one time I knew so deeply. However, I know of many people that have left the “church” and like you, they have filled the hole that was once their community and their essence with anger, resentment and pain. That to me is sad and I hope that it never happens to me.
Your words are palpable and they raise extremely difficult questions. At first, I read your post and thought-- Nixfollower is right; how could God let this stuff happen? Then I remembered that this world is full of people and people do bad things especially to the most vulnerable-- children. If God doesn’t exist then it is still the humans who are responsible for these horrors. Some might even say that really it is Satan that controls the earth and too many of us have become his puppets. But then, if Satan exists, certainly God his Father exists too. Either way you look at it, it is we who are responsible for what happens in our world. Our lives are not pre-determined. We have choice; we have agency.
Aside from either the inexistence of God or His failure to give us a perfect world in which to live- a world where we can know joy without sadness, pleasure without pain and goodness without evil, it seems to me that your real issue is with the establishment. The Powell tragedy and the way that children are put at risk by the courts because of custody issues are tragedies but they are not divine in origin. They are of human nature. In the human quest to be fair and politically correct, innocent children were murdered. I am sure that the social service worker who delivered the Powell children to their father is having a very difficult time finding meaning in this tragedy of which she was unwittingly was a part. However, with or without God, it is up to her to do so. I’m not familiar with the story about the Mormon girl who was sexually abused by her father only to later bring him back into her life and that of her daughter. However, I can tell you about real forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not mean letting an abuser back into your life. Forgiveness is for the victim or survivor regardless of whether the perpetrator repents and apologizes. As Jade says in his book, Healing Secrets, “Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. To forgive is to simply stop wishing for revenge or to stop wanting to see the other person suffer in some way. But forgiveness is not blind. Because trust has been violated, you cannot just forget what happened or else the same thing might happen again.” Without forgiveness, it is the victim that suffers from the toxic effects of bitterness, anger and resentment that become all consuming. I know those toxic effects well. (cont'd)
Dear Nixollower (Part 2),
I didn’t forgive for 42 years. I was sexually abused by the same person from the time I was eight years old. Abuse begets abuse and I suffered more sexual abuse at the hands of others. I was prematurely sexualized as a little girl and I turned the shame and toxic emotions inward. I lived my life hating myself and hurting myself. I broke bones, I picked. I ate compulsively and as a teen drank, smoked pot, snorted cocaine and took Quaaludes all to numb myself, only to act out sexually leading to more shame.
Last fall, I forgave myself and my abusers. Part of what I learned is that all of the horror that I faced as a little girl and adolescent is part of what has made me into the person I am today. That person is good; she is strong, brave, determined and certain that she will change at least her part of this senseless world. I have had to take the bad with the good or I wouldn’t be me. I no longer think of myself with bitterness and disgust and I rarely think of my abusers.
A few months ago I traveled to visit family and during the visit was confronted with a memory of the first time I was abused at eight years old. I came face to face with the table that sat next to the bed where I begged my abuser not to “put it in me.” I looked at the table and said, “Oh God that’s the night-table.” Inside, my heart pounded and I felt like my throat was going to close. For an instant, fear had taken me back 42 years. But then, having forgiven and accepted months before I was at peace with what had happened to me. I was able to come back to the moment and the bitterness, pain and anger were gone. It no longer existed in me. Nixfollower, I hope you can understand how important that forgiveness was to me.
I wonder who /what is the source of your anger and bitterness? Is it God, your parents, the therapist, who is being "manipulated by a Master Manipulator," or is it someone/something else? I learned recently that underneath my anger was hurt. I perceive that you are hurting and I am truly sorry for your pain.
We are here on earth and we must do everything for ourselves unless we have the faith to let go and turn those things out of our control over to our Heavenly Father. He may not fix it, but He can give us the courage and strength to carry on. I agree that sometimes religion does more harm than good. However in my view that’s not really what your post is about. Your post exudes anger, bitterness, resentment, fear and pain and you don’t know what to do with it or who to blame. It seems like it’s consuming you and that is another tragedy. Because underneath the armor you wear is someone who cares deeply about his/her fellow human beings and I’m certain would be a great force in making our world a better place for all of us.
Post a Comment