Excerpt From My Upcoming Book: "Looking Passed the Dark Glass" (section: Misconceptions)

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, in his ground-breaking and healing Ensign article, titled “Helping Those who Struggle with Same Gender Attraction”, stated, “Same-gender attraction is not a sin, but acting on those feelings is.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, “Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction,” Liahona, Oct 2007, 40–43 ). This article and statement dispelled many misunderstandings that church members had about the nature of same-gender attraction, showing that attractions to the same-sex is not behavior, thus is can not be sin—however acting against the law of chastity through homosexual acts is a sin and frustrates the plan of happiness. The Quorum of the Twelve, with the First Presidency added to Elder Holland's remarks with their pamphlet “God Loveth His Children”. It proclaims, “You are a son or daughter of God, and our hearts reach out to you in warmth and affection. Notwithstanding your present same-gender attractions, you can be happy during this life, lead a morally clean life, perform meaningful service in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with your fellow Saints, and ultimately receive all the blessings of eternal life.” The pamphlet goes on to say, “A number of Latter-day Saints with same-gender attraction are moving forward with their lives by carefully adhering to gospel standards, staying close to the Lord, and obtaining ecclesiastical and professional help when needed. Their lives are rich and satisfying, and they can be assured that all the blessings of eternal life will ultimately be theirs.” (God Loveth His Children [Salt Lake City: Intellectual Reserve, 2007] 1,4.) There is hope and there is support. President Gordon B. Hinkley stated: “Our hearts reach out to those who struggle with feelings of affinity for the same gender. We remember you before the Lord, we sympathize with you, we regard you as our brothers and sisters” (“Stand Strong against the Wiles of the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 99) In their book, “Understanding Same-Sex Attraction”, Byrd, Cox, Dant, Dahle, Livingstone and Wells, state “Few subjects are as difficult to understand or as controversial as same-sex attraction... Viewpoints about it often fall into polar extremes... That is, it is seen as either a gross perversion or it is seen as an acceptable alternative to heterosexual attraction”(“Understanding Same-Sex Attraction”. Dahle, et. al., (2009) Foundation for Attraction Research, pg. 6) How true this is. As I have worked with countless client who have struggled with the heartbreak and frustration stemming from same-gender attraction, I have come to find that the individual, the family and the community around them, seem to greatly misunderstand same-gender attraction. An entire book could be written on the misconceptions of same-gender attraction, for more on this subject, please refer to the book referred to above: “Understanding Same-Sex Attraction”. A. Dean Byrd and his colleagues were phenomenal in their research and depth of the subject of same-gender attraction, along with the misconceptions of it. One final highlight from this book: The term gay in context of same-sex attraction is correctly defined as a sociopolitical identity assumed by individuals, both men and women, who have embraced their homosexual attractions as a core sense of self. Likewise, the term lesbian is an assumed sociopolitical identity but refers exclusively to women. These terms define people based on their sexual feelings and can incorrectly imply that same-sex attraction are innate physical characteristics on the order of being male or female. As a therapist I know of the damaging nature of labels. When one labels themselves, they have the tendency to live up to that label and the definitions which come with that label. What does it truly mean to be gay? The media has its definitions, and many with same-gender attraction are living up to that society-bound implied and explicit definition of who they are supposed to be. Labels are damaging, you are yourself, not so-and-so, the gay person.