For as much as we hear of physical abandonment in a relationship, we hear little in regard to it's counterpart...emotional abandonment. Whereas physical abandonment is a withdrawal of someone's physical presence and support from a relationship, emotional abandonment is the withdrawal of feelings and emotional support. This is related to what John Gottman, a prominent marriage researcher, calls "Stonewalling"--one of the four horsemen of an apocalyptic toxic relationship (Other four horsemen are: Defensiveness, Criticism and Contempt).
Emotional abandonment occurs when one partner emotionally checks out of a relationship, and the results can be even more devastating than physical abandonment. When a person is physically abandoned by a partner, that person has no choice but to move on in his life without his partner. But with emotional abandonment, a relationship can linger on as people live in denial, afraid of facing the problem.
Emotional abandonment can be evidenced in several ways, and all signs may or may not be present.
In such a relationship, silence is common. One partner just stops communicating entirely because the other partner has stopped listening, or it could be because they have simply grown a bit bored with one another and don't know what to do to about it. A couple like this can spend an entire evening together and say no more than a few words to one another. They may go out to dinner and sit silently as they eat their meal. The silence that results from emotional abandonment is not a comfortable silence. It is one where a couple just has nothing to say to one another, and each moment that goes by is excruciatingly painful.
One-sided conversations are also a sign of emotional abandonment. Again, this comes about because one partner is no longer listening, and the other partner is not even tuned in enough to notice this or even care. These are the relationships in which one partner seems to be talking at his partner, not allowing any imput into what is being said. It is also evidenced when one partner is trying to tell the other something and keeps getting cut off.
(To be continued...)
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