A Purpose

When I was in graduate school, I ran across a quote which changed my perception: Nietzsche described personal purpose so eloquently when he said, “He who has a why to live can bare with almost any how.” I realized then that I could accomplish anything I wanted to if I simply had a purpose behind it. However, as I began my training as a therapist, I realized that many people may have a why and a how, but still can not accomplish a goal, or grow or change. I became aware of the many psychological blocks that stunt growth within people, even if they had a reason and instructions, it still seemed as though they didn’t have an ability. I thought to myself, “That is strange… my client is ready and willing to change, he has a reason and he has acquired the skills, so what is the problem… why doesn’t he change?” One of the answers was revealed to me as I began to notice my interaction with my clients—Eureka! “It is the relationship that heals, and these clients can not do relationships”. In essence, People don't grow unless they are in a securely attached relationship.

I have found that half the problems that bring people to therapy result from a failure to grow up and stop alienating themselves. This seems to be a sickness that has increase from year to year in our society as a whole. And as people begin to focus on themselves and not on their relationships and community around them, they begin to isolate. This then in turn increases negative relationships, which prompts a person to hide themselves from the world even more. Our society as a whole is becoming more self-oriented and focused on the four preoccupations that are destructive to seek: Power, Gain, Lust and Popularity. Dysfunctional relationships are the symptom of society, but true loving, found through sacrifice and compassion is the remedy.